Hello, I'm Connie Jane. Welcome to my blog!

My Testimony, for my healing and His Glory.

My story is full of psychological, mental, emotional, and physical abuse,and abandonment.It will be full of raw emotions on some days,and full of positivity,perseverance and overcoming on others. I'm telling my story for my healing,and His Glory. I don't need it to be believed, I don't need pity. I do welcome and appreciate your prayers. I am not telling my story to hurt or destroy others. I do need to give voice to it. To heal. To give God the Glory for being with me every step of the way. I am only here today because of Him. His mercy, His amazing Grace and His protection .We are made overcomers by the word of our testimony and the blood of the Lamb. Not sure exactly yet where I will start, will be in prayer and start very soon. Thank you for being here to hear my story and how God can and will get any of us through anything the enemy of our soul trys to use to destroy us. 

Summer before my 9th grade school year.

This is where I feel The Lord leading me to start. In the summer before my 9th grade school year,I was physically assaulted and raped by a family member/cousin on my dads side of my family. An older cousin,he was already married and had two children at the time. (I will not be providing any names in my story.) (He is deceased.) -  I start here because it does tie in with other manipulations,physcial,psychologial,mental,and emotional assaults, even drugged on at least two different occasions (not sure with what),but drugged, in the past 23 years. I shared this story of being raped with my ex during our life together. (Big mistake!) When I divorced him after learning of an ongoing affair with a very close family member he became very tight/close to my rapist and his/my family,and very close to the  family member he had the affair with. I never wanted to tell this story,but after years of them being hellbent on destroying me not caring the affects it was having on our children along the way,now it's time to cut all ties with them, tell my story,heal,forgive,and move on the best I can. I have learned you can forgive,not wish any harm on others,and still not let them have access to your life. The last bit of this part of my story is to show how God can move in anyones life. We all fall short of The Glory of God. After years of passing my house mocking me for living for God,my rapist came rolling down my road in his wheelchair(he ended up with M.S later in life).... he was excited to let me know he had given his life to God,was baptized and fill with Gods Spirit. RESTORED by Gods mercy and grace! I will finish our divine encounter that day in my next writing. 

Set Free from that.

I'm going to finish up the part of my story with my rapist,and take a few days break ,and be in prayer before moving on into the next part of my story.  That day when he told me he had been saved and baptized my flesh didn't want to give forgiveness. God knew. Well,he ask me if I had some alcohol because his feet were messed up and hurting. Against what I wanted to say or do,I felt The Holy Spirit nudge me to give it to him. I had just bought a new bottle. I came into my house poured some into the almost empty bottle that I had and went back outside to give it to him. He said no that's okay will you please just pour some on my feet for me.  Everything within my flesh rose up. I'm thinking are you kidding me,after what you done to me,and then continue to mock and torment me over the years!.... again I felt that nudge from The Holy Spirit, DO IT! I obeyed against what my flesh said and began to pour the alcohol on his feet. Immediately I felt the Presence of God and He did too. God set us both free from the past that day. I only saw him twice again before he passed away. Once in the nursing home where he ended up living out the rest of his life,and again at his brother's funeral. God is always able to turn such a terrible situation around to be beautiful and used for His glory. I pray he is finally at peace.  I'm still dealing with others,that hate me with a cruel undeserved hatred, but Gods grace is sufficient. 

Without Hope 1999

This part of my testimony is a bit longer and more difficult to put into words. I really don't want to give my testimony,especially so openly, but I trust and believe when God calls you to something He will not only bring you through it,He will walk through it with you.... every step of the way.(What led up to my suicide attempt in early 2000.)This time in my life was already overwhelming hard, without anyone else trying to make it more difficult.(But there were people who were doing exactly that.) (Still are.) I was raising my 3 children by myself with no help or support system,to speak of. No help. No child support, no Mom or Dad in my life,at that time. My Dad had already passed away. My mom had been led to believe that I was deep into drugs,meth,so she stayed away. I wasn't. I was never strung out or addicted to meth,but that was and is exactly what they wanted/want people to think/believe... even said before it was all over they would turn me into a meth whore. I did try it a few different ways,but it was never my drug of choice.  I never liked it. I hated what I seen it doing to others. I hated what they were doing to me because of it,and them being so deep into the cooking and selling of it. I am just going to refer to the people as they or them. I'm not telling my testimony to hurt,judge or bring anyone else down in any way. I had plenty of my own sin. I was living without God,in a very difficult situation doing the best I knew how to do at the time.They were in every way trying to make things harder for me. I was a single mother housing, feeding,and trying to raise 3 children, one with special needs. I won't be speaking about things that were going on or happening in my 2 older children's life at that time. They are grown, and out of respect for them,I'll not do that. If they ever choose, that's their story to tell. My youngest son with special needs was at the time still haveing 20 to 60 seizures every day. Every.Single.Day. His seizures were still uncontrolled.  The most he ever had in one day was 310. If you can even imagine someone living through that! It is only because of God he is still here,for more reasons than the seizures or his other disabilities. God's grace is so big,and sufficient.  I'm going to save and post this before I move on into the things that led up to me trying to take my life. I Praise God that he brought us through and still is!

Things that led up to my suicide attempt.

As if my life wasn't already difficult and heavy enough to carry and try to make it through, I  had people not in my life but knew me.... mostly through others,trying to break me in every way. Break me mentally, emotionally and physically. This is the first time I was drugged (with what,I don't know.) Then some of the most vicious attacks on my mind. I won't speak on all of them. I'll just share a few ways,things they did to cause confusion, and fear. I remember taking Bryon to his therapy, riding horses. He loved that! As soon as he smelled the horses,he would get so excited.  I loved watching him,I was trying to get him the help he needed for a better quality of life. Anyway,I was sitting on the bleachers watching him,when I don't really remember,but I believe it was four of them,came and sit up behind me and started talking,repeating everything I said while I was cooking supper in my house the night before. (Confusion/Fear) That's how they worked.That is the first time I realized that there were people coming against us. I just pretended not to hear them and continued on.... many other things like this done.... I won't name all the times. Trying to break my mind .I just continued taking care of my kids the best I could under  those kind of mental assaults. Then they moved on to my children. I'll only talk about Bryon in this part. Once a stuffed animal was shoved down his throat purposely,and shortly before Christmas of 1999. Once he came home  with 4 of his front teeth in a ziplock baggy,with a smile from the person who dropped him off, saying he fell. I knew he didn't. They would always let me know it was them doing it,but knew I couldn't prove it. After the stuffed animal right before Christmas, after he was released from the hospital and Christmas was celebrated,and New years was over is when I attempted taking my own life. I had no help,and no hope at this point.  Only by God's amazing Grace I am still alive today. I have God now. He did not give me the spirit of fear, but a spirit of love,power and a sound mind.I'm going to stop here and finish up this part of my testimony either later tonight or in the morning.  

Suicide Attempt and How God Stepped In.

I will be walking through this night, something I have never done. I know God is right here with me. I have went back and forth with this part,but I know not only do I need to face it,hopefully it will help someone else. If you are at a hopeless,dark place and are considering taking you own life. PLEASE DON'T! Cry out to God,He is right there waiting for you to ask for His help. He loves you and has a purpose for your life,even if you can't see it right now. -  This day was one of the hardest days in my life. I had no hope of things ever getting better or anyone to help lift the weight that was crushing me,my spirit or I didn't think I did. Here goes... I remember being so broken,scared,hopeless and just wanting the pain to stop. I gathered some things together. My childrens birth certificates (things someone else would need once I was gone) ,some pictures,my youngest sons medications,and a ledger page that I was marking down all of his seizures in, everytime he had one. Time, how long the seizure lasted,things like that at his doctors request. I put these things in my car,buckled Bryon up in his seatbelt in the backseat of my car(yes he was with me) and drove to a convenient store and parked. I wanted to be somewhere that Bryon would be found quicky after I was gone. I sat there not very long before I took a mixture of all kind of pills,and a lot of them..... Then I sat there crying, waiting to die.... I didn't want to die,I just didn't know how to carry it all, anymore. I had absolutely no hope. None. If it had not been for the people coming against us, being drugged,psychology,mentally,and emotionally,assaulted and threatened, it would have still been a lot to carry. I sat there in my car waiting to die,not thinking about anything but I cant carry it all anymore. I hear Bryon start laughing in the back seat. He was laughing hard and loud. I turned around in my seat to look at him,he had the biggest smile and was just sitting there laughing. I believe God used him that night to help me. How could I leave him,I'm all he has. He was looking straight into my eyes, the first time he ever made eye contact with me. He didn't make eye contact with anyone back at that time in his life,no matter how hard you tried to get him to,it wasn't happening. That's when I knew I couldn't take my own life. He didn't have anyone else,what would happen to him. I felt such a heavy guilt come over me. A man was walking across the parking lot and I ask him if he could call 911 for me,and told him why. The ambulance came and took us to the hospital. My mom and my stepdad came to the hospital and took Bryon home with them.(After years of having little contact with them.)  I thank and Praise God that He stepped in that night. That I'm still here. There have been many hard trials...... any many blessings since that night in early 2000.  I'm going to stop here and take the time I need before moving on to the 3 day lockdown in the hospital.  God shows up again while I'm in the hospital!  He is so good and faithful to help us,all we have to do is ask and give everything to Him. Whatever you are trying to get through in your life today,I urge you to let Him help you. Call out to Him.

Three day lockdown in hospital..2000

I don't remember arriving at the hospital emergency room,I do know Bryon was in the ambulance with me. I remember being in the emergency room with nurses and doctors around me, and they had Bryon sitting between my feet while I was having my stomach pumped. I remember a male nurse being disgusted with me,saying things like,how could anyone be so selfish. I felt so much guilt and shame. I remember a female nurse telling him to get out,and that he didn't know my life or what caused me to think that this was my only option.I ran into this female nurse years later and was able to thank her, for her understanding and compassion. Of course, with all the patients that she has taken care of over the years she didn't remember me,but I will never forget her or her compassion that she showed me. Someone understood. I remember hearing someone on the phone saying if you don't come and get him we will have to call children protection services. (Thats exactly what they wanted,those that were coming against us to break me,to take my son. Not help or support us,but make things harder for us.) I knew they were talking with my mom. I again felt guilt and shame for them having to deal with this,for making their life harder. I remember seeing them hand Bryon to my mom,and feeling a sense of relief  knowing he was going to be okay. That is all I remember of that hopeless night. I went to sleep thinking how I could get some rest now. Much needed rest. I woke up the next morning to learn I was placed in 3 day lockdown,all I could think at the time was how I can get some rest. I remember going to the curtains to open them and look outside,and when I did there was nothing but a brick wall. I was shut-in. Completely shut-in. That was when I started realizing the seriousness of the consequences of my actions of what I had done in trying to take my life. I had absoluetly no control of what came next in my life,but God did. I don't remember alot of the next three days. I do remember when my cousin was allowed to visit me,because he had a license to minister. When he walk through the door to my room, my eyes went to what he was carrying..... The Bible....The Word of God. Instantly I felt something move in my heart. It was physical.... I literally felt it. It was hope,I had forgotten that there was hope. My heart sang in that moment! I had hope!  God is our truest form of hope. He is our hope.  God knew I needed Him, and He sent somone to me, to lead me to Him. I'm so Thankful for those that know God and are obedient to Him. I'm thankful my cousin was obedient to Our Father that day. Where would I be if he hadn't been obedient and came to the hospital to pray for me,and remind me,there is hope in Jesus.  THERE IS HOPE IN JESUS!   I'm going to stop here for now. I'm not quite sure where God is going to lead me to in my testimony next,but I will be obedient to Him. He is so good. I'm thankful I still have that hope.... He is my Hope. He is my strength. He is my Saviour...... and He will be yours to if you want or need Him to be. Call out to Him,and let Him lead you where He wants you to go. 

First time moving back home since I was seventeen.

I don't remember leaving the hospital. I do know I went to My mom and stepdads house and lived with them for 6 to 7 months,until I moved into this house in September of 2000. The first time I had lived in My moms house since I  was 13. Her and My dad divorced when I was 12,and I lived with her one year before moving in with My dad. My dad had less rules. Rules now that I see that I needed. Hindsight is 20/20. Moving in with them to recover was a blessing in disguise. We were able to get to know eachother. They were able to get to know Bryon,to see that he is more than his handicap,disabilty,special needs. He is a blessing. He is a challenge. He is deserving of love...... aren't we all? We had many good times and laughs. Laughs that I needed so desperately  at that time in My life.... Relationships restored,being healed. Lighthearted jokes,playing cards,going for rides,visiting My grandpa and grandma Carter. Times I am now so thankful for. Some of the most difficult times in life,also have the biggest blessings,I'm learning! I started seeking more after God in the early mornings when everyone was still sleeping. I would make coffee, then go out into their garden to talk to God, and work in the garden. Bryon and I started visiting some chuches,until I started falling back into some old habits. Doing things My way instead of His. It was a back and forth thing. I'd try to go My way,but He did't let go of Me. I had found the Truest friend I had ever had,and when I tried to live without Him I was miserable,and I missed Him. I didn't fit into the world anymore,no matter how hard I tried. I had found peace and joy in Him that I had never in my life had before. I have failed many times in this walk with Him and I will again,but He has always been Faithful to Me. He would call me back to Him,set Me back on the right path and keep Me moving forward. He never left Me and He has never forsaken Me..... anytime I called out to Him, He was right there forgiving,loving and reminding Me..... I am His and He is mine. I've learned I will never be satisfied in this world without Him. I have learned He is there when noone else is. I have learned He is enough..... Sometimes He has to remind Me of that!  I have learned there are two things that the enemy of my soul cannot take from Me,and that is My peace,and My joy,because he didn't give them to me,they come from My Lord. The only way he will get them is if I give them to him. He is DEFEATED in My life,In The Name of Jesus!..... even though it make not always look or feel like it..... he is!  I am going to stop here for now. This is not what I thought I would be writing when I sat down at my computer,but I'm learning that what I think is going to come forth,usually doesn't...... and that's okay. God bless you all.

 

2000-2002 .... Looking back I can see things more clearing.

These two years,2000-2002. I was blind to the things that were taking place to keep me oppressed.(God wasn't). The more I tried to move ahead,make things better for us. Get free from the enemies trying to destroy us the more things/games that were being done to try to keep me in fear.(push me to take my own life).. Stop me from the life I wanted to live for God. At every turn there was something or someone being placed in my way to stop me from the life I so desperately wanted. A life free from any drugs,deceit,darkness. I wanted change. I wanted to take care of my kids without all the abuse and chaos around us.(drug abuse,mental abuse,emotional abuse....  physical abuse).... Eveytime things started getting better,there would be something else that would be put in my way to stop me/us. I see now it was purposely done. I will never understand how there are people in this world that are okay with  destroying their own kids/family,making it harder for them,because of their hatred for their mother..... or father,whichever the case would me. Doing everything possible to keep them from succeeding in life. Every attack on me,affected them. The odds were already stacked against them having a single mother,a special needs brother...... and all the stress,challenges that comes with that. I still choose to forgive all the wrongs that were done to us over the years,only because Jesus provides me the grace to do so. Everyday I get up, I choose to forgive,but no longer will I make excuses for their behaviour or the choices they make..... that is all on them. Every malicious act/thing they have done to hurt or cause harm to me/us is because of who they are and choose to be.......it has absolutely nothing to do with me or who I'm trying to be for the Lord. I fall short everyday,but because I know Him/Jesus,His grace is sufficient! His grace is sufficient for the hardest of things. He has always made a way,and always will.... in this I am confident.  He has been there every step of the way,drawing me closer to Him. He is a good God. He is faithful. He is mighty in battle.(This is His fight). -        For the eyes of the LORD run to and fro throughout the whole earth,to show Himself strong in the behalf of them whose heart is perfect toward Him. Herein thou hast done foolishly: therefore from hencefoth thou shall have wars. -2 Chronicles 16:9  .... God has showed Himself strong for me/us many times,and for that I am so thankful! ........ And we know that ALL things work  together for good to them that love God,to them who are called according to His purpose.- Romans 8:28    If you don't know Him, please give Him a chance. He loves us all more than we could even fathom. If  He is knocking on the door of your heart today,receive Him,let Him in.... I promise you,you will never regret that decision. You will have trials in this walk with Him,but you will never be alone in them.    I'm going to stop here,but before I do.. I'm going to list just a few things that were done to try and put fear in my heart during this time in my life.  I would come home from church many times and find things placed in my house for me to find..... only going to put a few here.... but were many more that I will not be writing here.  Came home after an awesome service one Sunday night to find my two oldest kids bibles that I had saved,the little red bibles kids get in Sunday school sometimes. I went to get into bed and found them placed on my pillows.... one on each pillow. Came home one day after being out all day at the doctor with Bryon,and when I went to get my shower,they had placed eggs in my shower..... propped them up for me to find. Came home another night after church to find a med sized bowl sitting on my kitchen table where a man had pleasured himself and left his body fluids for me to find. That was one of the most mind blogging things to come home to. We live in a time where people have so much hate in their hearts,so much darkness,that need God,but are blinded by the god of this world. God will never force His will on anyone,and there are going to be many that will never accept Him and His free gift of Salvation.(They will be turned over to a reprobate mind/no conscience to do things that are inconceivable to many of us. God has helped me to continue on with Him.... because nothing can seperate me from His love. He has fought for me,He has made a way for me where there didn't seem to be a way. He gives me peace and joy even in some of the most difficut days,and times of my life. He will you too. He has showed me who He is during all of this. I get so excited about how He is going to show himself strong on our behalf,again.... and I wait on Him....He renews my strength.  I know now that whatever the enemy of my soul has planned next..... my Jesus is already there. I pray Gods will be done in their life,and I pray it's not to late for them.  Only because of Jesus I hold no hate in my heart towards them. I refuse to let the devil destroy my heart with hate..... but it takes Jesus and time in His presence to accomplish that. Time in His word. During these last 22 years .... ALL glory to God.... I have grown to love His word. I have had plenty of time to read His word and pray. After reading every word in the bible 9 times ,from beginning to end.... I stopped counting. Not even sure why I was counting...... I just knew I fell in love with His word and Him. I knew I needed His word in my heart,I know His word is alive and brings us life. Everytime we read His word,He speaks exactly what we need at the perfect time. I will continue on with God. He is my healer,protector,and redeemer.. My Saviour. My Lord.    Okay,I really am going to stop here for now.  God bless you all. My hope is that this will help someone to see God is able to see us through any and all things meant for our harm. He is Faithful. He is Who His word says He is.

Jan,8th 2001 (Gift Of HolyGhost)...and the battle that came soon after.

January 8th 2002 is a night I will always remember. Back in this time of my life I was so hungry for God,His Word,His presence,a hunger He put into my heart. I would get Bryon ready,get his chair and just go pretty much any night that I knew there was a church service taking place or we would ride until I found a church having service and we would go. Bryon was a lot smaller,I was a lot younger, wasn't yet dealing with rheumatoid arthritis and was more able to pick him up and go! We visited so many out of the way,little country churches. So many wonderful moves of God. The night of Jan. 8th was no different,or I didn't think it would be,but God knew what He had planned. I was visiting a small church on the east side of my hometown. They had a visiting minister that night. A lady that knew not only how to bring forth Gods Word,but she was a prayer warrior. She knew how to get ahold of  God. She prayed the Word,and she prayed it with authority, In the Name of Jesus. I still remember the message she preached that night. Keep your lamps full of oil. Scriptures- Matthew  25: 1-13. After the message when she ask did anyone need prayer? I almost ran up to that alter! We prayed....and prayed. I heard someone say God filled her with the gift of The HolyGhost! The person was talking about me. I didn't believe them,because I did't hear myself and I didn't feel any different. I have heard all my life about the gift of The HolyGhost,and read about this Gift in His Word. So,not believing I had received this gift,even though others were saying I had...... I was disappointed,very disappointed. I remember going into the restroom to wash my face and as I was looking into the mirror at myself,I never said a word,but thought to myself. Well, if that's all there is to it?! I was feeling let down. I left the restroom and as I'm walking down the aisle to go set down in my seat,disppointed and hurt. A little old lady came up to me and ask me to pray for her. Out of everyone in the church she came to me. Surely God would listen and answer anyone else's prayer in here,but not mine..... that's what I was thinking. Why in the world would she ask me to pray for her. She told me she had been sick and ask me if I would pray for her. I couldn't look into that little old lady's face and tell her no,but honestly I didn't think me praying for her would do any good,but God knew.... it wasn't for her,it was for me and what He was about to do. I reached out to pray for her and as soon as I touched her,one hand on each shoulder. God filled me with The gift of The HolyGhost. It was loud and powerful!.. No one had to ask or tell me what He had just done,not sure how long I stood there praying in The HolyGhost... it was, as if God was letting me know.... No that's not all there is to it! ..... Jude 1;20.  I left that little church that night so joyful and on fire for God . I couldn't wait to share with others what had happened! I would tell anyone that listened how good God is and how they could be set free from the bondage of sin..... any sin,sin is sin. Not realizing the battle I would soon face in just two short months. A battle that once again ended up with so much abuse..... with some of the same people behind it,behind the scene.  Eph.6;12- For we wrestle not against flesh and blood,but against principalities,against powers,against the rulers of the darkness of this world,against spiritual wickedness in high places. I'm going to stop here for now. I will finish this part of my testimony later tonight or in the morning. Thank You for reading.... and Praise God for seeing me through and keeping me through some of the hardest times in my life. He still is! He is so good and His grace is sufficient in all things. He loves us all with a fierce Holy love. *Edited* the date... I was going through some journals, and notes I had written down over the years and the night at the church when God filled me with the gift of the HolyGhost was Jan 8th 2001,so it was almost a year later when the battle I will be sharing next came to kill,steal and destroy what God was doing in my life. 

2002- Another personal attack (from the same people) and how God made a way out.... Again.

I had been living faithfully for God for one year,was young in the Lord. Seeking God,praying,reading His Word and visiting churches.During this time is when I would come home to find things in my home after church services. I see now it was to cause confusion and fear. I would throw things away, In The name of Jesus,pray,praise and continue on  with The Lord. He put a deep love in my heart for His Word.... so I started praying His Word.... all day,everyday. When I found a scripture that spoke to my heart,I would pray that scripture,speak His word over what was going on in my life at that time,In The Name of Jesus...( Isaiah 55:11) "So shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth:it shall not return unto me void,but it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it."   God was doing a work and I didn't even realize it at the time.---> I'm sitting on my couch reading my bible when I get a knock on my door. When I open the door it was someone I have known all my life,but had lost contact with over the years. I see now, I should have never invited him in. He was sent my way,not because he wanted to visit or talk about The Lord,like he said. I wanted God,and the things of God,and believed he did too. He didn't. He was sent here to manipulate,abuse and destroy. We started dating,and everything went well,until the day after we were married. Then pure hell. Mental,emotional,and physical abuse.... and once again drugged. With what I do not know.  I ended up in the hospital twice during our 3 - 4 month marriage. This next part is about the last day we were together. The day he told me he was sent my way. He had been gone in my car all day,and didn't come home until late. (It was church night.)  When he came in he was drunk and angry. Told me he was going to kill Me ,Bryon and himself. Bryon was already in bed asleep. He hit me a couple times and had me pinned into the kitchen stove. I tried to get out the door to get help,but everytime I would try to get past him,he would hit me,and hold me against the stove. I was praying in my mind for God to make a way for me to get out the door,so I could call 911.  I started telling him that I needed to get Bryons medicine out of the car. I didn't. I just needed to get out the door. He let me go, and I was able to get out the door to a neighbors house. She opened the door and let me use her phone to call 911,and as we were standing right inside her door waiting for police to get here.... I heard him say come get your f-ing kid. I turned around and he had gotten Bryon out of his bed and was standing in the driveway with Bryon still asleep in his arms. (Bryon was so little back then.) I took off running to get him,but he smiled, let go of Bryon and dropped him onto the concrete driveway. I was almost to them when the police showed up,jumped out of his car with his hand on his gun and yelled for me to stop. My neighbor push me aside and said I'm getting Bryon,and she did. She brought him to me. The police took him to jail for public drunkness.. He hurt my baby, so there wasn't even a reason for me to talk to him,again. That was that. I filed for, got a restraining order,and a divorce. My neighbor took Bryon and I into her home that night,and we have been friends ever since. My neighbor and I checked my car out that night,and found 3 shotgun shells and a shotgun in my car. God protected us that night. We took the gun and shells to the police station,and dropped them off. The next morning I called My mom and went to stay for the second time since leaving home with her and my stepdad for 2 months..... then came back to my house and continued living for Jesus. He was with us every step of the way.  ---- After this year I went on to live/serve God faithfully for 19 years. Didn't date or even consider dating. I was happy and content living for God and working on myself. -------- Until this last year 2021 - the next time someone was sent my way to decieve,but he wasn't the only one this time. God is Faithful! God is Good! He is always with us. Nothing will ever change that. He has become my everything through these years. I trust Him! I know Him more now. Nothing or noone could ever compare to His love for us. His faithfulness. His peace. His Joy. He loves us with an everlasting love.  ... I am far,far from perfect,but I know He perfects that which concerneth me....Ps 138:8.. in this I am confident.... That's what His word says! I believe Him/His word.  He is not a man/women that He should lie. Numbers 23:19 ...... God bless you,all. I am stopping here until time to write the next part of my testimony,which will be about this last year. 2021, after that I will be done with sharing my testimony on this platform,but will continue sharing where God leads me to share it.... and will continue writing,filling in the parts I've left out here. I pray my testimony will help someone see that God is faithful, and His grace is suffient in all things.